imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
