Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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