I bet he comes in French.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize