If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love having hate sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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