am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
