member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
