He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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