I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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