i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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