How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
