i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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