i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
