My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
