I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
