Don't you send me to vm
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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