the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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