i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
