Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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