i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
as a side note pls kill me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
