can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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