just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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