i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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