Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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