You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
