Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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