just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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