this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
