you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize