I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
