why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
