We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
