So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize