You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I understand Curling. That high.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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