yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
