how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So much rum. So many feels.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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