Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This house was built for laser tag.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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