No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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