so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize