After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
