I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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