I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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