When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
