so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were trust falling into bushes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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