Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
