Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
