i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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