Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They took my balls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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