Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
