Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
