Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
