how do flat chested girls get laid?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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