so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
