I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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