Someone shit on the floor
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
