Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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