Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
