so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
