Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
