Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
