I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize