Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Randomize
