it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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