My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize