Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
