Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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