Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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