Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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