I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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