I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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