I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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