dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
