I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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