Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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