dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
